A Bun In The Oven

I bought a crap lunch from "The Baker's Oven" and ate it on the noisy train back to sunny Norwich. It felt nice to be back in Norwich after the grimness of Birmingham. Norwich hadn't changed much during my two-day absence although it did seem to be slightly more expensive than it had been on Friday.

Lord Of The Blings

A relaxing day, spent watching The Lord of The Rings, both the crappy film and the not-so-crappy-but-still-crap 1970's Warner Brother's animation. As far as I know, there were never any other films of Lord of the Rings made. It's rather a shames that Jim Henson(the guy who did the Muppets) hasn't had a try because his film "The Dark Crystal" is exactly how Lord of The Rings should have been.

In the evening it was time to eat a Balti, Birmingham's only worthwhile contribution to humanity. I talked to a couple of friends about their research projects for their PhD's and thought about many wonderful things. Although I hadn't seen the friends for a year or two, I felt as if I hadn't been sepparated from them for more than a few days.

I Like It, I Like It!

I awoke at am to take the 5:40 train to Birmingham New Street Station. 7 hours later I was in the Britannia Hotel, about to attend "BrumCon 2004, The Return of the Fed Guy". BrumCon is a conference organised by Brum2600, one of the UK's leading computer security groups. I enjoyed BrumCon a lot. All the talks were interesting with the one exception of Dr Kaos's speech on the nature of hacking, which was so crap that it defies comment. About 30 people attended, most of them being typical geek types, both in good ways and bad. I learnt a lot, but failed to do any networking, which is what conferences like these are said to be all about. I'll definitely attend many more next year such as DNS, HOPE(if it goes ahead), SDFCon and one or two of the ones in Europe.

For the first time in history, I watched "Monkey", a cult Japanese/Chinese TV series from the 1970's. I'm hooked. It tells the story of a monk and his three followers, Monkey, Pigsy and Sandy. They traveling to India in order to become Buddhists but each episode sees them coming into some kind of difficult that prevents them continuing their journey until they've had lots of big fights with people in dodgy looking wigs. Monkey is a god so he has magic and is able to fly on clouds. The prince never gets involved in fights but spends his time telling off the others. Pigsy and Sandy and very stupid and are usually the ones who cause trouble. Sandy is armed with a ornamental spear, Monkey has a staff and Pigsy has a rake...

Birthday Boy

I woke up, feeling 24. Birthdays are always a sad time for me. I'm forced to reflect on the darker aspects of the human condition, and every year I conclude the same thing: We're fucked and we all going to die, stupid and alone. I very much hope that this state of affairs will improve during my lifetime, but I doubt that it will. My birthday ended as it began, in silence.

Taking Five At Take Five

Ate lunch with a friend at "Take Five", a cafe run by Cinema City.(see 30/09/03) It's the kind of place that make me want to tear people's skin off. So pretentious with is organic sludge that passes for food. I had something that was described as "a freshly baked baguette with tuna-mayonnaise". It was like eating glue-covered sponge dusted with dishwasher salt. My friend had a jacket potato with blue cheese and mushroom topping that looked like it had been excavated from a site of national historic interest. It is trendy cafes such as "Take Five" that are destroying the few genuinely cool places that we have left.

I read "Private Eye" today for the first time in several years. It was really rather good. Not good enough for me to bother writing much about though.

Shock BrumCon Decision Reversal

In a exciting development, I decided to reverse yesterday's BrumCon decision, and go! This will involve taking a train at 5:40 am, a task which may be beyond me. If I come back on Saturday evening or Sunday, I'll have to change train 6 times and go via London which makes the ticket price higher. I will therefore stay with a friend until Monday, although this means I'll have to miss my martial arts lesson. The fact that I'll be spending my birthday(Friday, 3rd October) in a pub(I don't drink), with a bunch of technophiles, says a lot about my life. Please leave birthday messages in my guestbook if you have time.

Talking The Talk

Met my good friend Emily in the city centre. We were fortunate enough to bump into leet haxor Henry while trying to exit from the Castle Mall shopping centre.(which, btw is celebrating 10 years of utter crapness at the moment.) "The time has come", Henry said, "to talk of many things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings." For reasons better left unwritten, none of the aforementioned subjects were discussed. We discussed stegangography, WLan, fibre-optics, university life, robots and fraud.

Decided to start Java and Eiffel month early. Am now plodding through "The Java Tutorial" written by a couple of lusers from Sun Microsystems. Over the past few days I have been trying to read "The little book of OOP". I've pretty much given up now on the grounds that it's crap. I can't understand why people write books on programming that involve many small fictitious languages instead of just basing their book around a real programming language. Lots of the blame must lie with universities and the way in which they teach computer science. As with most problems in the world of computing, trace it back far enough and IBM or Microsoft will be the cause.

The Rain In Spain

Shitloads of rain. Got an email from Amazon, the fuckers failed to send me a book that I had ordered several weeks ago. They had said it would take two months longer that the listed time(6-8 days). I sent them a rather a stern email, and as a result they're sending me the book this week at their expense. I have finally got a digital camera so there's now nothing to stop me putting lots of cool photos on Tokyo Robotnik, apart from the fact that I can't be bothered.(yet)

Do You Wanna Cyber?

Went to Blickling Hall. Got very lost while driving. Watched "Sonatine"(Takeshi Kitano). Watched a video of "Dr Who" on my own, late at night. For those unfamiliar with Dr Who, it was a BBC TV series that ran for about 25 years. As most of it was filmed in BBC TV studios episodes were far more like plays than TV programmes. Dr Who was always very low budget which resulted in rather odd costumes, the most famous being those of the various monsters that Dr Who and his female sidekick would have to deal with. The coolest robots were the Darleks and the Cyber Men. The Darleks main weapon was a hairbrush that had been spray painted silver and the cyber men sported big handles on the side of their heads.

ARPA

Went to Cambridge. Ate bad, expensive, Chinese food. Read Tintin. Watched "Boiling Point"(Takeshi Kitano) Finally got ARPA membership for The Super Dimension Fortress. ARPA includes 100mb of webspace, which is more than enough for Tokyo Robotnik and the soon-to-be-built "BBC Bullshit" so expect cool things soon!

Tax Return?

Had to go to the library to stock up on Tintin books. Found out that Inland Revenue have failed to pay me the tax they owe me. Met my good friend Thomas in the library. He was pretending to study some crap about water(in preparation for a Master's degree), but was clearly hunting for itty-bitty-titty, fishing for saplings as it were. Watched "Hanabi"(Takeshi Kitano).

There's Nothing Great About Great Yarmouth

Went to Great Yarmouth. Great Yarmouth is very grim indeed. It has a fantastic beach and loads of lovely architecture but sadly this is all eclipsed by the general air of decay and death that surrounds every part of the town. Most people go to Great Yarmouth to holiday or to die. It's totally unsuited to either activity. The only thin Great Yarmouth is suitable for is the testing of military ordinance. Watched Daria.

Code-A-Thon

I have decided that October will be Java and Eiffel month. All my waking hours will be spent coding. Assuming, of course, that I can be bothered... As you will all be aware, 3rd October is my birthday. My parents have very kindly said they will buy me "Object Oriented Software Construction, Second Edition" by Bertrand Meyer. Meyer was the dude who created Eiffel, said by many to be the greatest object oriented language ever conceived. His book will be my bible, and Delia Smith my sacrificial lamb.
Watched "Bugsy Malone". Watched "Jump London", again.

Faulty Ferris And Beauler Towers

Watched "Ferris Beauler's Day Off" this morning. It keeps getting better with each viewing, a bit like 9/11. The issue of whether Sloan is falling for Cameran while Ferris is in the parade is still unresolved in my mind. I could dig up something on it from the Net but can't quite find the energy.

Watched Fawlty Towers. I find John Clease less and less funny each time I see him. Fawlty Towers is still funny but I can foresee a time in the near future when the mere sight of Clease makes me so sick that I have to stop watching.(and start vomiting?) He wasn't very funny in Monty Python but at least he made some effort.

When The Wind Blows

This morning I bought:
(1) Designing with JavaScript
by Nick Heinle
(2) Java Server Pages and Servlets
by Mark Wutka
(3) Constructing Intelligent Agents with Java
by Joseph P. Bigus
(4) Java Examples in a Nutshell
by David Flanagan
(5) The Little book of OOP
by Henry F. Ledgard
(6) Learning UNIX OS
by Jerry Peek
Total cost was 20 quid, about 4000 Yen or 14 US$.

This afternoon I watched the Raymond Briggs animation "When The Wind Blows". It was very fucking harsh. Most of you will know of Raymond Briggs' animation "The Snowman" which was a bit dull. "When the Wind Blows" tells the touching story of two stupid old people surviving a nuclear strike on the UK and then dying of radiation sickness over the following couple of days. Although it's not very well made, it does remind you just how harsh and stupid war is and how appalling nuclear weapons are. It's enough to make you do something about it, or at least eat something.

Harsh Enough For You?

It has recently occurred to me that I have stopped reading novels. It's very likely that I'll never read another novel in my life. Many of you will find this very difficult to understand as I have been an avid reader all my life. I just can't seem to find any books that are harsh enough to be relevant to the life I lead and the world in which I live. Suggestions by email please.

The First Cut Is The Deepest

Spent the morning doing manual garden work for my father. There are few pleasures in life greater than that of cutting things. Whether one is cutting thick paper with a pair of Chinese scissors, chopping wood with a large axe, or as I was, hacking down ivy with a machete, cutting never fails to satisfy. "Rad" just keeps getting better. This week it showed, among other things, a 13 foot jump and a skatepark in an old church. The programme has managed to completely change my opinion of Channel Five. I hope to put together a programme proposal for Channel Five by the end of this year, so you may see me on TV sometime in the near future. If anyone has a digital video camera that they can lend me to make a demo, please email me.

Death Of A Good Man

Last day at work. Handshakes all round. Many shouts of "Best of luck mate". There is death in everything we do.

Remembering The Heroes Of 9/11

A suggestion was made that we should have one minute's laughter at work in remembrance of September, 11th 2001. Most people thought the suggestion was in rather poor taste, however, as it was my suggestion, I thought it was fucking hilarious...

Corrupting The Intended Use Of Public Space

This morning I watched a documentary called "Jump London", about a new street sport called "free running". Free running is a bit little skateboarding but without a skateboard. The documentary was a typical Channel Four job, complete with toffs talking about how free running is rather nice because "it corrupts the intended use of the space". The programme contained more footage of people eating expensive sandwiches than people actually running.

Mega Banzai Genki Go Go!

I ripped an amazingly cool CD today. It's called "Di(vi)nity" or "Feersum Enjin", I'm not sure which. I'm very much hoping that I can get permission to stream it on my site so you can all enjoy it. 12 tracks of pure techno bliss. Also ripped the Banzai soundtrack. May stick some of the stranger tracks on my site, such as "Holiday Rap" by MC Miker & DJ Sven.

Red Kross

I woke at the crack of dawn and headed to the "British Red Cross Charity Shop" in search of books to help me along the path of hacker-mind. I bought the following:
(1)Unix in Plain English
by Kevin Reichard
(2)The SuSE Linux Server
by Paul G. Sery
(3)Java in a Nutshell
by David Flanagan
(4)The Java Tutorial
by Mary Campione
(5)Java in Plain English
by Brian Overland
(6)Java Servelet Programming
by Jason Hunter
(7)Java Servelets by Example
by Alan R. Williamson
(8)Developing Java Beans
by Robert Englander
(9)C++ How to Program
by Harvey M. Deitel
(10)C++ for Programmers
by Leen Ammeraal
The total cost came to 36 quid, about $50 or 8000 Yen. The picture of a dog on the front cover of "Java in a Nutshell" turned out to be a picture of a Javan tiger. Still sucks, though. All good computer books have a large photo of the author on the front cover. This allows the potential purchaser to judge the quality of the books content by how bushy the author's beard is.

Terrorism In A Nutshell

I went to my aunt's office this morning to get her new CD burner working. It didn't take long, so there was plenty of time for daydreaming about setting up a huge software, music and film piracy empire and having a tatoo that said "RIAA RIP".

My mother had advised me that a local charity shop(British Red Cross) was selling some secondhand computer books so I decided to walk past the shop in question to see if the said books were still there. Sure enough I was greeted by a window displaying several fine books included O'Reilly's "Java in a nutshell" and an admin guide to Suse. After I had wiped the vomit from my mouth(O'Reilly covers REALLY make me sick-"Java in a Nutshell" has a line-drawing of a dog on it) it was time to walk home and mentaly prepare for my martial arts lesson. I always take great pleasure in the 50 minute drive from sunny Norwich to equally sunny Lowestoft, but sadly I had forgotten to bring any tapes to listen to so I just had to listen to the music playing in my head. Today it was "The Teaches of Peaches", which is what I would have brought with me, had I not been busy mentaly preparing and eating a cinemon and raison bagel(Lightly toasted with sunflower margerine). On the subject of sunflowers, we have 3 in our front garden that are about 15 foot high(5 metres). Not interesting, but true.

The Bench Connection

Watched "Rad" again. It was even better than last weeks programme and made me want to take up skateboarding straight away. Sadly I don't have the figure for it, or a skateboard. That could all change soon though...

For lunch I had 99-pence pizza. It was quite good and was certainly better than anything I ate in Italy. Met up with some of Norfolk's most elite hackers and chilled in the city centre. While I'm writing this I'm trying to eat baked beans on toast with fishcakes and potato salad. I've added mozarella to the baked beans for a bit of class. Adding mayonaise proved to be a mistake.

Watched "The French Connection" on TV with my dad. A very good film although slightly spoilt by the fact that it has one of the stupid bits at the end that tells you what happened to the main character. "Detective Lakam was reassigned to traffic duty and later became a paedophile. Big Ted opened a bagel shop and died a few months later in an olive oil fire. Dr Edward Bearskin evaded capture and was last seen in a chip shop in Bolton". That kind of thing. They're usually used by directors to trick you into thinking the film was better than it was. The only film which uses such an ending really well is "Night of the Living Dead"(the original, not the crappy remake). It doesn't use text but instead shows you a series of still photos of cops pulling the dead bodies around with meat hooks. Rememeber "When Hell is full, the dead will walk the Earth":)

Chatted for a bit on the Super Dimentional Fortress. I haven't been using it much recently because I have slow dialup Net access but after last night's sucess I though I'd give it a try again. Megan was there, which was very cool as I hadn't talked to her for ages. SMJ, the guy who runs the Super Dimentional Fortress was also there. Next year we're all going to meet up in Las Vegas for SDF-Con which will be very, very weird. I'm still trying to work out what to give a speach on, and more importantly, what type of cape to wear.

Ken Hom, Ken Bomb

Finally quit my job. I will have to work all of next week because my contract states that I must give a week's notice. At work I saw a poster anouncing that TV cook Ken Hom will be coming on Tuesday to sign his new book. I have no intention of buying his new crappy book on cooking healthy food in a wok, but I do have a copy of "Ken Hom's Chinese Cookery" so I may get him to sign it. The only problem is that he's coming to work at 9:30 am and my shift doesn't start until 1 pm, so I'm not sure if I can be bothered... I got my payslip last week and discovered that I did in fact get paid for bank holiday Monday. I haven't felt happier since Diana died.

Watched "Pheonix Nights". Sadly it was the last in the series. I decided to put a health warning on my website, as some users have complained of side effects. While I was updating the page using on the Super Dimetional Fortress's server(which hosts my site for free, with no adverts) I suddenly got a message from Kitsune(now known as Cystitis or something), one of Norfolk's Elite Haxors. At first I didn't have a fucking clue as to what was going on, because the message was just pasted onto the page of text that I was editing with Pico.(a unix text editor, based on the "vi editor", I think). Anyway, Kitsune and I chatted for quite a while using "talk", a split-screen, real time Unix chat program. We finally gave in to exhaustion and I crawled to bed, where I dreamt of telephones, drain opener and fishing.

MarshMarlowe

I stayed up until midnight to watch "Red Dwarf". For some reason it was not on, and had been replaced by a documentary that Shakespeare hadn't written his plays, and that they had in fact been written by Christopher Marlowe. I was, as they say, gutted. The sooner I start my anti-BBC website, the better. I'm planning to call the site "BBC Bullshit" and use the url www.bbcbs.co.uk, although I haven't registered the name yet.

Booktastic

Bought "The Lonely Planet guide to the USA" and "The Lonely Planet guide to California" from the bookshop at work. I paid a quid each for them, so I'll have to go to the USA soon to justify the purchase.

Ah-Ha

Watched the fantastic "I'm Alan Partridge" which my mother kindly videoed for me. It rocks so much.

The Land Of The Internet

Greetings, children in Internet land. Decided it was time to update my blog, as people are now actually reading it! If you are reading this, PLEASE email me. Tell me what sort of things you want to know about my pathetic life.

Downsize That!

Started reading "No Logo" by Naomi Klein but had to give up on the grounds that I'm cooler than Naomi so I don't really need to read her crappy book. I've heard she's into power dressing and that kind of shit. Fucking freak.

Crap local radio is played throughout my place of work every third day. For those who are interested, when it's not Radio Broardland, it's Amber Radio or BBC Radio One, depending on the day and how harsh the radio controlling dude is feeling...

(Skate)Board Stupid

Watched "Rad" on Channel Five. "Rad" is a programme about skateboarding, surfing and BMX'ing.(if BMX'ing's a word...) Most things on channel five are crap, but this was very cool.

As I've so far failed to be good at anything in life(ok, well there is one thing...) I have the deepest possible respect for kids who can jump over stuff on their skateboards and slide along handrails etc. While watching "Rad" and eating my Wheatabix I started to think more deeply about skateboarding culture. A large part of skateboarding is about taking over "public" space and using it freely. Skateboarders discover hidden deapths to spaces such as squares, carparks and embankments. In a very real sense they are breaking free from the restrictions that are put upon people living in an urban environment. See http://www.infiltration.org for more discussion on this.

Met up with a couple of 3l337 haxors in the city centre. We went to McMurder and talked about haxor-type things. Then we hung around outside McMurder watching some old dude try to skateboard. Most of the people skatebording were about 14 or 15 years old but this guy seemed to be in his 30's. He tried hard and was doing pretty well until he realised he was being watched. While I stood around watching the freaky kids outside McMurder I felt rather pleased for them all. Most of the kids were dressed in Maralyn Manson-style clothing and had far too much hair.

The Real Start To The Weekend

Friday, like most days, sucks. The big problem with Friday is that it's built up to be something that it blatently isn't. It's not the start of the weekend. The weekend starts on Saturday morning and finishes reasonably late on Sunday night. I don't foresee this state of affairs changing dramatically in the near future, so people should start seeing Friday for what it is, just another day, crap as any other. My weekends aren't much to look forward to so I can't see why I'd want them to start early anyway. It's all a load of crap, really.

Black Holes And Baby Universes

Watched "Red Dwarf". A good episode, but not a great one. Holly, the ship's computer told the four crew members to evaquate while she navigated around some black holes. Lister(a human) and Rimmer(a dead human, turned into a hologram) crashed their spaceship into a small planet and spent all of the episode there talking about stuff while Cat(part man, part cat) and Cryten(a robot) looked for them. More detail would just bore both you and me, so get the DVD if you care.

Dialing Up

My collection of MP3's hasn't grown much. So far I've downloaded "Bad Moon Rising" by The Creadance Clearwater Revival, "London Calling" by The Clash, "Peaches" and "Golden Brown" by The Stranglers, "Ruckzuk" by Kraftwerk and "What a Wonderful World" by Joey Ramone. I've ripped "Pretty Little Baka Guy", "Shonenknife" and "Space Christmas" by Shonenknife and "LA Woman" and "Morrison Hotel" by The Doors. When I finaly get a broadband Internet conection I'll start collecting a lot more, until then I can't be bothered as it takes about 20 mins for each download.

White Dot

Caught last the last few minutes of "I'm Alan Partridge". It seems to be a series that I havn't seen, so I was pretty gutted. I've realised that I've started to watch quite a lot of TV, despite the fact that I often find myself telling people I hardly watch any TV. It's a situation that I must rectify. I spent a whole week in Japan without watching any TV. It was international turn off TV week run by the good people of http://www.whitedot.org which is an anti-TV organisation

BBC Bullshit

Recieved guests and went to my martial arts lesson. At the lesson I studied "Jutte Jutsu", which is fighting using a traditional Japanese police trunchon. The jutte is made of iron and has a hooked part for catching knives and swords. Using the hook to catch colds is unlikely to be sucessful.

Watched "TV's greatest characters" on Channel Four. I was rfeminded once again that British TV was the best in the whole world. Watching the BBC at home and listening to BBC Radio One at work has convinced me once and for all that it's time for a strong campaign against the BBC, led by yours truly. Sometime next month I'll make a new website, "BBC Bullshit" and start calling every BBC programme. Soon the BBC will crumble and I'll be able to replace it with "The Karamoon Broadcasting Allience". Or something... Fuck the BBC etc.

A Holiday For Banks! WTF?

Bank holiday Monday, but not sure if I will be getting paid for it, and thus was unable to enjoy it much. Bank holiday's in England are crap. The only good thing about them is the Blur song, "Bankholiday" on the Parklife album.

Peggy Sue Got Married

My sister got married. Other than that, Saturday was quite dull. I ate wedding cake, Corination chicken, and drank lots of orange juice. I always feel stupid eating Corination chicken because it's crap. My Japanese readers may be wondering what Corination chicken is.(I know you don't care, but just pretend you do) A long, long time ago Elizebeth was crowned queen of England. She was crap, and so was England. She was crap because most of the Royal family are, England was crap because everyone had eaten all the good food during World War Two, without thinking ahead.

Messing With Nature

Watched "Pheonix Nights" but couldn't enjoy it much because everyone kept talking. Thought about inventing a selective ear filter system so that I wouldn't have to hear other people talk crap to me. I got quite far with the design(in my head) but just as I was about to make an amazing breakthrough I gave up and forgot all the cool aspects of the invention.

One invention that I will put some serious time and effort into inventing soon is the "Karamoon Teralung". A Teralung is like an aqualung that allows one to breath underwater when SCUBA diving except that it's allows an octopus to breath on land. It's always been a dream of mine to have a pet octopus that I could take for walks and attack people with. An octopus could probably jump about six feet(2 m) in the air and grab onto someone's face. It could, it it was hungry, eat the persons face using it's beak. That would be soooooo kewl. The terra lung would look like a pair of oversized, water-filled headphones. The water-filled chambers would cover the gills of the octopus, allowing it to breath. The water would have oxygen bubbled through it and the carbon-dioxide would be removed by using a filter. One problem with my design is that a octopus's eyes are designed for seeing through water so they wouldn't work well when used for seeing from air. My pet octopus would thus spend a lot of it's time bumping into things, but it can't be helped. Trying to put glasses on a octopus is just plain dumb.

Train In Vain

A very good episode of Red Dwarf. Can't be bothered to write about it though.

Big Brother Is Watching J00

My sister and her boyfriend came to stay. Watched TV. TV watched me, if the conspiracy theory nutters are to be believed.

Home From Home

I'm slowly transfering my website from Geocities to it's new home, the Super Dimensional Fortress. SDF is an online community run by SMJ. It is very, very cool. To use it telnet to sdf.lonestar.org If you've never used telnet, the following may help. Telnet is a program(this is NOT true, it's a protocol) that allows you to conect to another computer. To use telnet on windows, go to the Start menu and select "Run...". Type "telnet" and hit enter. Telnet will start up. Type "sdf.lonestar.org" where it says "host:". It will then connect to the Super Dimensional Fortress's computer in the US. Type "new" for the user name and hit enter. You can then set up a free account by following the on-screen instructions and enjoy chatting, playing great games(such as Dopewars) and generally being cool. HTTP sucks, Telnet rules.

Could Be Tuesday?

Just another manic Monday. I wish it was Sunday. That's my funday.

Pretty Little Baka Guy

Got up at 4:40am, probably for the first time in the last five years. I then worked 6am to 4pm. I was able to survive only by keeping the following two facts firmly in my mind; firstly, that everyone I met at work would, in the end, die and secondly, that I was being paid double my usual wage. Although we aren't allowed to wear walkmans at work, I was lucky enough to be able to hear the Shonen Knife album "Pretty Little Baka Guy" playing in my head. Further more, it was loud enough to drown out Radio Broadland, which is a dire local radio station.

MP3/CND

Saturday is a fucking waste of time if your week lacks structure. Monday to Friday, I wake up, and go to sleep 14 hours later. Saturday is no different. Downloaded "CD-Copy" and spent quite a while copying my CD's to my PC. Expect the best MP3's to be on my site soon.

Not Lonely. Really

A long, long day at work. Fortunately my three other boxes came today, so I now have a choice of what clothes I wear and what colour of origami paper I use to fold my paper friends from.

Hot Choc

My first box of stuff from Japan arrived this morning. I'm kind of puzzled as to why the other three didn't come as well. I very much hope that they weren't lost at sea. Another possibility is that a Yoda-like Japanese sailor is currently playing with the contents of the boxes. At least I've been reunited with my copy of "TCP/IP Illustrated, vol. 1, The Protocols" and my pathetic collection of CD's. I can now study the 4-layer networking model while listening to Shonen Knife sing about hot chocolate. Life is good...

Ruckzuck

What I've been...

Listening to: "Ruckzuck" by Kraftwerk. There will come a time in my life when I'll
listen only to Kraftwerk. Hopefully it will be beamed into my skull by
some kind of laser system.

Watching: Nothing. No TV for fucking ages. A good thing, too. See
http://www.whitedot.org

Reading: "I, Robot" by Isaac Asimov. Pretty crap really. It's about the third time
I've read it, and it gets more dull with each reading. Asimov didn't have
much to say except that there would be lots of robots in the future and
they'd be made by an American company. On the subject of robots, the famous
Honda robot, "Asimo" is not a robot at all but is in fact a puppet. Yet
another reason why you can't trust anything that come from Japan.

Eating: Cous cous. Bagels. I cannot eat bagels without remembering my first one. I
rushed back home and told my father how great they were. Unfortunately, the
good friend who introduced me to them(Dr Edward Bearskin), also introduced me
to the word "Daigo"(He has a habit of teaching me new words). It goes without
saying that the consequences were hilarious.

Pointing my browser at: http://www.thinkofthechildren.co.uk and
http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com

Excuses, Excuses

Couldn't go to my martial arts class because of work. I guess that's better than not being able to go because of a Turk.

It's Magic!

Bought the book "Mark Wilson's Complete Magic Course" from the bookshop at work. It was slightly damaged so I got a 90% discount. Not interesting, but true.

The Teaches Of Peaches

Went to martial arts class. Only me and the instructor there so I learnt a lot. Enjoyed the hour long drive each way to the dojo while listening to "The Teaches of Peaches" and a couple of fantastic compilations(soon to be on this site) made by my good friend The Phin.

The Moon Spoon

Played Amiga games with my good friend Moon Spoon. Drank cream soda, possibly the most elite drink since Earl Grey tea. Ate Viennese Whirls. Listened to Kraftwerk. Thought about monkeys.

An Undercut Haircut

For me, the biggest problem with having a job is that I sometimes walk into work and everyone says "Oh, Karamoon. Have you had your hair cut?". I say, "Er, no. I just washed it..."

Firsday(sic)

In "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" Arthur Dent said "I was never very good at Thursdays". My life has never seemed more empty.

A Whiter Shade Of Pale

Even less happened.

All Across The Universe

Nothing happened.

Gammy Leg

First day at work. It wasn't as bad as I had expected, despite the fact that almost every single person I met had something physically wrong with them. I spent the whole day trying not to look too closely at anyone, lest I might upset them. Rather surprised to see that the refugee guy was given a job.(see Tuesday, 29th July)

Martober

One of the longest Sundays that I've ever had. It just went on and on. Finally it was over, and I was able to breath a sigh of relief.

Modern Life Is Rubbish

Listened to the album "Parklife" by Blur while correcting the grammar of a friend's Doctoral thesis. Quite depressing, really.

"In Belgium They Put Mayonaise On French Fries"

Attended a meeting of Norwich 2600, my local hacker group. Ate some chips with mayonnaise. Drank coke. Thought about burning in Hell for eternity. Realised I already was.

She's Electric

Watched "Red Dwarf", one of the greatest British situation comedies. Brought back great memories of watching "Darkstar" at the Electric Cinema in Birmingham. The Electric cinema is one of the few cinemas in England that show two films for the price of one every week. When I watched "Dark Star", it was as part of a triple bill with "Dr Strange Love or How I learnt to stop worrying and love the bomb" and "Silent Running". All three are great films. Unlike life.

A Job Lot Of Jobs

Got a phonecall from the company to say I got the job. Like I care. Spent a lot of time looking for an income tax document that I've been told I have to take to work on my first day.

Interwho?

Had a job interview, my first in two years. There was another guy waiting for an interview as well. Fortunately for me, he was 30 minute late because he had misread the letter sent to him by the company. He was also dressed as a refugee. The interview was just like any other. When will people finally see what a waste of time and effort everything is????

Don't Give Me Any Stick

Did some "Roku Shaku Bojutsu", which is fighting with six foot sticks. Lots of fun.

Wondering About Summer?

"In February, if thou hearest thunder, Thou shalt see a summer wonder"

Are You A Slave? Find Out Now!

Filled out a job application form for a crap job. A lot like life really, as we're often forced into positions where we have to beg for stuff we don't want. There are many reasons for getting a job, but the reason against is so overwhelmingly strong; "Whoever has not two-thirds of his time to himself is a slave" (Nietzsche)

Let Me Tell You About March

"March goes in with an adder's head and goes out with a peacock's tail"

Driving Miss Crazy

I've given up on the more structured blog style, although I may use it occasionally. I'll also write some diary entries in ghetto speak and some in Yorkshire tongue, just to keep my students on their toes. I went driving today for the first time in three years. It was a whole lot of fun, but also a bit frightening. Thus the similarities between my drive and eating octopus sushi were quite unnerving.

Mark, Lard And Everything Inbetween

What I've been...
Doing: Painting walls. Playing Dopewars on SDF. Attending a party.
Eating: New potatoes. Wheatabix. Plums.
Watching: nothing!
Wearing: German army boots. Torn T-shirts. Combats.
Listening to: Mark and Lard on Radio One.
Thinking about: Public key encryption. Ways to make money.
Pointing my browser at: www.dailyrotten.com

Island In The Sky, Island In A Pie

What I've been...
Doing: Job hunting. Fox hunting. Badger baiting. Fishing.
Eating: Thousand Island dressing and baked beans.
Watching: "The Office".
Wearing: German army boots. 10 quid jeans.
Listening to: "Stop making sense" by The Talking Heads.
Thinking about: Loneliness. Tanita Tikaram.
Pointing my browser at: www.phack.org

A New You

I've decided that my diary should be more structured, so when I can be bothered I'll follow this new format:
What I've been...
Doing: Watching children. Going to the library. Crying blood.
Eating: Figs. Creme brulle. Offal Frapacino.
Watching: "The Day Today". "Goldfinger".
Wearing: Cotton rich socks. A cape. Cheap sunglasses.
Listening to: "The Teaches Of Peaches" by Peaches
Thinking about: Vivisection. Broken mirrors. Lepricorns.
Pointing my browser at: www.ntk.net

We're Walking In The Air

I spent the morning painting the walls of my parents' new dining room. I'd like to say that I got more paint on my clothes than the walls and that someone mistook me for a time-traveling snowman. That would have been funny. Sadly, however, I'm a highly skilled painter and I did a first class job. OK, that's not true either, but nor is much of what people say and write.

Cheese, Please!

Waited for a delivery of floor tiles. Continued waiting. etc. Ate some cheese. A very dull day. How can anyone have enough stuff to write in a blog?

Jet Lad's Jet Lag

I had the most amazing jet lag today. It wasn't until 16:46 that I woke up, meaning I had slept for about 17 hours. I felt pretty refreshed and was glad that I had slept so long. It was a typical grey afternoon and it was also a bit chilly. When I decided to check out English TV, I found that the correct time was in fact 4:46. I can only imagine that some kind of intelligence agents intercepted my luggage somewhere between Japan and the UK in order to tamper with my alarm clock. As I was about to take an early morning run around Norwich, I decided not to.

Goodbye, Japan

I got up at 5:45am, aiming to arrive 3 hours early for my 11:45 am flight. This plan was, of course, executed perfectly. My main luggage consisted of a large rucksack and a sword. I always feel happy and relaxed when I have my sword with me. I imagine it has something to do with the feeling that I could slay anyone who annoys me, particularly people carrying Starbucks bags.

Things went smoothly until I reach Immigration. The officer was a real bitch. She demanded to know why I had been in Japan for so long, and clearly didn't accept my claim that I had been sightseeing. I'm a little bit worried that she may have written something in my computer file to the effect of "Don't let this little bastard back into the land of Zen, tea without milk, and schoolgirl porn." When I do return to Japan I'll be sure to launch an ECM attack against the computer system to aid my easy entry. That, or use Ninja mind control on the staff.

I had made the wise choice of flying with SAS. Not only do they have the coolest name of any airline; they also have the best food. As I approached my seat, I was both surprised and appalled to see a rather large Danish woman in it. Just as I was about to drag her out of the seat by her hair, I didn't. Instead I put my hand luggage into a nearby overhead locker. This was the fist time for me to use such a locker, and it was surprisingly convenient. In the past I had always kept my hand luggage with me for the simple reason that I like to have something to protect my head with in the event of a plane crash. Besides, after playing "Zak Mckrakken and the Alien Mindbenders from Space" it's always disappointing to open a cabin locker without finding something cool like SCUBA gear to steal. But I digress... After manoeuvring my slender body past this whale of a woman and seating myself by the window, I could tell that she wasn't pleased with my presence. Fortunately she asked the staff to move to some empty seats so that she could have more room for her massive bottom, so I had two seats to myself for the duration of the 10 hour flight.

Changed planes in the rather stylish Copenhagen airport. Arrived in London Heathrow. Instantly I began to feel distressed. Heathrow airport is such a scummy place. Every thing was broken, under construction or extremely dirty. If I had been arriving in Japan I would have had a 2 hour journey ahead of me. Being England, the journey was 4 hours, largely spent sitting in uncomfortable trains, surrounded be unpleasant people.

I eventually got back to Norwich, and went to sleep after my parents have me a brief tour of the new house.